Preparing Your Anxious Teen for Secondary School

Anxiety and Teen Therapy Services in Ottawa

The transition from elementary to secondary school can be a daunting experience for any child. However, for those who struggle with anxiety, this transition can feel overwhelming. As parents, it is crucial to provide the necessary support and guidance to help your anxious child navigate this significant milestone. In this blog, we will identify some common fears children face during this transition and provide practical tips to prepare your child to ensure they feel supported, understood, and ready to face the challenges that lie ahead.

Understand Your Child’s Anxiety

It is important to have a clear understanding of your child’s anxiety and symptoms before preparing them for secondary school. Anxiety can manifest in various ways, such as excessive worry, physical symptoms (e.g., stomach-aches, headaches), or avoidance behavior. Below are some common fears children experience during this transition:

  • Getting lost: Many children worry about navigating a larger school, finding their classrooms, or getting lost in unfamiliar surroundings.
  • Making new friends: Moving from a small group of classmates to a larger and more diverse student body can be intimidating. Children may worry about fitting in, making new friends, and finding their social place in the new school.
  • Academic challenges: The increased workload and higher expectations in secondary school can create anxiety for children. They may worry about keeping up with the academic demands, meeting the standards, and performing well in exams.
  • Bullying: The fear of bullying is common among children transitioning to secondary school. They may worry about being targeted by older students or being excluded.
  • Peer pressure: Children may fear succumbing to negative peer pressure, feeling the need to fit in or engage in activities they are not comfortable with to gain acceptance from their new peers.
  • Managing time and organization: With more subjects, assignments, and extracurricular activities, children might worry about staying organized, managing their time effectively, and meeting deadlines.
  • Adjusting to new routines: Secondary school often comes with different routines, such as changing classrooms for different subjects or a more structured timetable. Children may worry about adapting to these new routines and remembering their schedules.
  • Fear of failure: The fear of not meeting expectations, disappointing teachers or parents, or not living up to their own standards can be a significant concern for some children.
  • Physical changes: Entering secondary school coincides with puberty for many children. They might worry about physical changes, such as body image, growth spurts, or dealing with the onset of adolescence.
  • Independence and responsibility: Secondary school often requires students to take more responsibility for their studies, homework, and personal organization. Some children may fear this increased level of independence and worry about not being able to handle it.

Provide Support and Validation

Create a safe and supportive home environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their worries. Encourage open communication and active listening. Validate their feelings by emphasizing that their fears are valid and understandable. Encourage them to share their worries and brainstorm possible solutions together and speak openly with your child about their fears and concerns, allowing them to express their emotions without judgment. For example, if they worry they won’t have anyone to eat lunch with, suggest they ask a classmate in their 2nd-period class (class before lunch) to plan o eat together.

Provide Gradual Exposure to the School Environment

Help your child become familiar with their new school gradually. Visit the school together before the academic year begins, exploring classrooms, hallways, and common areas. If possible, arrange a meeting with their new teachers or guidance counsellor, and encourage your child to ask questions and address any concerns they may have. Encourage your child to Join a Facebook or Instagram group for your child’s school, if one exists, but be careful to monitor that this is a school-sanctioned group. Consider organizing an informal gathering with classmates to help your child develop a social network before school starts. This could also be a neighbourhood child who will be attending the same high school.

Practice Effective Coping Strategies

Teach your child practical coping strategies to manage their anxiety. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and visualization exercises can help them calm their minds and bodies during moments of stress. Encourage them to practice these techniques regularly so that they become second nature. Additionally, help them identify self-soothing activities they can engage in when feeling overwhelmed, such as reading, drawing, or listening to music.

Develop a Personalized Transition Plan

Work with your child’s elementary and secondary school to develop a personalized transition plan. This plan can include accommodations, such as extra time for tests, and exams, or a designated safe space to retreat to during breaks. If your child has an IEP (individualized education plan) make sure that it is up to date and that school staff (teachers, guidance, admin staff) are familiar with it, and ensure that everyone is aware of your child’s anxiety and how best to support them.

Build a Network of Support & Encourage Self Advocacy

Encourage your child to build a network of supportive relationships within the school community. This can include trusted teachers, counselors, or understanding classmates. Knowing that they have someone to turn to during challenging moments can provide immense comfort and reassurance. Consider discussing with the school about any peer support groups or mentoring programs that may be available to your child.

Empower your child to advocate for themselves when necessary. Teach them assertiveness skills and encourage them to communicate their needs to teachers or other school staff. Help them practice asking for help or accommodations when they need it. By developing self-advocacy skills, your child will feel more in control of their anxiety and better equipped to navigate the secondary school environment.

Encourage Your Child to Join Extracurricular Clubs

As difficult as it may be for an anxious child to join a new group or club at school, participation in extracurricular activities offer a structured and organized setting for social interaction. They provide a platform for children to engage with peers who have similar interests, making it easier to initiate conversations, build relationships, and develop friendships. Having a social network within a club can boost a child’s confidence and alleviate social anxiety.

Monitor and Manage Stress Levels

Keep an eye on your child’s stress levels and proactively manage them. Encourage healthy habits, including getting adequate sleep, regular exercise, and a balanced diet. Help them establish a consistent daily routine that includes time for relaxation and self-care activities. Teach them effective time management skills to avoid becoming overwhelmed by schoolwork. Keep communication lines open and regularly check in with your child about how they are feeling and coping with the transition.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If your child’s anxiety significantly impacts their daily functioning and well-being, consider seeking professional help. An adolescent therapist can provide specialized support and teach your child additional coping strategies. They can also assist in addressing any underlying issues that contribute to your child’s anxiety and help them navigate the common challenges of this developmental stage. Your child can attend regular therapy to learn new skills, or just have someone as needed throughout their high school years for support.


Preparing an anxious child for the transition to secondary school requires patience, understanding, and a proactive approach. Remember that every child is unique, and it may take time for them to adjust to their new surroundings. Be patient, celebrate their successes, and continue to provide them with the love and support they need to thrive in secondary school and beyond.

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